SImCrime

Patents are ideas on paper. 

My intellectual properties on my website are computer data that prove my originality time date.

Whether or not an invention is patentable, this website can prove originality. Originality is necessary to get patents in most countries.
If anyone slanders me by saying  falsely that I am not the inventor, then I may sue them. In that effort, I may gain money from my inventions regardless of owning patents.


My i.p. are intended to be awarded venture capital from large companies, not ma and pop enthusiasts.  If I solicit to a company, then it is determined that the company has declined or rejected my bid if the company either says no or if it does not say yes or has no response. Every moment a company does not say yes are moments that the company has declined until the company says yes to form a negotiation agreement.


I have one year from time of invention published public to go patent pending or to sell my co-sign to file a patent application with an investor company.

According to:

47-25-1217. Bond of developer.

 I must own a bond that is worth at least $25,000, SO THEREFORE, I hereby state that I do not offer any invention services, and instead require an innitial  payment of approx $25,000 from an investor as a blatant unrelated business grant or loan, in order to begin offering invention services. Before such a money is presented, no invention services are available.

If I have obtained a bond money then If an investor contacts me, I say:

"My fee to be charged is an amount that can be described as $10,000 for weak-inventions and $1,000,000 for strong-inventions, as a flat fee, plus I will require a negotiable royalty percentage of invention product sales prices that may be 50%. None of such money paid will be spent on patent work or to  other partners, as the investor will be responsible to pay all patent fees. I do not intend to expend more for the patent fees than payment to me. Zero investors, as investors are customers, have yet invested, and none such have profited."  "Any contract for invention development services between you and SimcrimeCom will be regulated by law. SimcrimeCom is not qualified or permitted to advise you whether protection of your idea or invention is available under the patent, copyright, or trademark laws of the United States or any other law. The contract does not provide any patent, copyright, or trademark protection for your idea or invention. If your idea or invention is patentable, copyrightable, or subject to trademark protection, or infringes an existing valid patent, copyright, or trademark or a patent, copyright, or trademark for which application has been made, your failure to inquire into these matters may affect your rights to your idea or invention." 

(47-25-1204. Initial disclosures to customer by developer)

Each contract must be written to say: 

 "The seven-day period during which you may cancel this contract for any reason by mailing or delivering written notice to the invention developer will expire on _________________ (Last date to mail or deliver notice)

      If you choose to mail your notice, it must be placed in the United States mail properly addressed first class postage prepaid and postmarked before twelve o'clock midnight (12:00) of this date. If you choose to deliver your notice to the invention developer directly, it must be delivered to that party by the end of that party's normal business day on this date. The invention developer also has the right to cancel this contract by notice similarly mailed or delivered."

And each contract must say: describe whether or not a prototype is to be built and/or sold,, person names and business entity names, mailing addresses, statement of intent to spend or not spend received payment amount on extra invention investing if so then estimated amount, "speculated profit is based on market analysis", number of other investors contracted and number of investors who have profited,  "I am required to record paperwork for atleast 3 years after contract expires. Such record will be viewable to copy by investor's expense at inventor's premises during normal business hours within 7 days of notice placed in 1st class mail.",  expected date of completion, name and address of notary public if used, "This contract between you and the invention developer is regulated by law. The invention developer is not qualified or permitted to advise you whether protection of your idea or invention is available under the patent, copyright, or trademark laws of the United States or any other law. This contract does not provide any patent, copyright, or trademark protection for your idea or invention. If your idea or invention is patentable, copyrightable, or subject to trademark protection, or infringes an existing valid patent, copyright, or trademark or a patent, copyright, or trademark for which application has been made, your failure to inquire into these matters may affect your rights to your idea or invention." "The invention developer shall deliver to the customer at the address specified in the contract, at quarterly intervals throughout the term of the contract, a written statement of the services performed to date; provided, that the first such statement need not be delivered until one hundred eighty (180) days after the contract is executed."

Each contract must have a cover sheet that says:

"The following disclosures are required by law:

      You have the right to cancel this contract for any reason at any time within seven (7) days from the date you and the invention developer sign the contract and you receive a fully executed copy of it. To exercise this option, you need only mail or deliver to this invention developer written notice of your cancellation. The method and time for notification is set forth in this contract immediately above the place for your signature. Upon cancellation, the invention developer must return by mail, within five (5) business days, all money paid and all materials provided by you.

      This contract between you and the invention developer is regulated by law. The invention developer is not qualified or permitted to advise you whether protection of your idea or invention is available under the patent, copyright, or trademark laws of the United States or any other law. This contract does not provide any patent, copyright, or trademark protection for your idea or invention. If your idea or invention is patentable, copyrightable, or subject to trademark protection, or infringes an existing valid patent, copyright, or trademark or a patent, copyright, or trademark for which application has been made, your failure to inquire into these matters may affect your rights to your idea or invention."

308. Cucumber Trick brand

Cucumber Trick is a new design-patent-worthy septic system that is extremely easy and affordable to install. Customers might buy them for farmhouses, hunting cabins, guesthouses and anywhere that needs a modern water running toilet that is very affordable. 

WARNING* It is illegal to install septic systems in some states without a permit.

Cucumber Tricks may not be installed in some states, however many countries need fast easy affordable septic systems.

Cucumber Tricks are either a single kit, or a kit that has a short-cap-tube-arm instead of a tube-arm with no elbow pipe. 

Cucumber Tricks resemble a trashcan with lid. The users simply opens the trashcan like tank, plastic or metal, and inside is 2 tube-arms, 1 elbow pipe, 1 waterproof glue caulk. The users digs a hole for the tank to fit, glues the tube-arms to ports, glues the elbow pipe to port and glues the lid to top. Already on top of lid is screw port for optional pumping out to drain sewage from tank. User places tank in ground with tube-arms angled down. Tube-arms are covered under and over with gravel not included. Dirt is placed over unit. Toilet pipe is glued to elbow pipe. Users hook up water to toilet and simply flush into Cucumber Trick. 

Tube arm is perforated tube that has aluminum screen mid section. Tube arms attach to 2 ports to allow black water to spill yet prevent rocks and debris from clogging discharge. The short cap tube arm is similar to tube arm however short cap tube arm only connects to one port and has a screen closed tip. Tube arms are burried in the ground aimed down, lower than ports, so that rainwater will less likely flood tank, as tube arm perforations are not located very near ports.

Cucumber Trick kits are approx 75 gallons capacity so one is good for about normal use of one person. To add an extra Cucumber Kit, user simply uses Add-on kit to add another capacity tank to other capacity tank. 

Cucumber Trick could be paired with a catchmet rainwater catcher barrel and a plastic toilet for impressive off the grid luxuries.

309. Non-Evaporative Plug

The NEP is a device that allows water catchmet rain collector barrels to automatically seal after catching water so that the water inside will not evaporate. Many common rain barrel systems have simply only a water barrel with a hole on top and a gutter tube, which means water escapes during the day. The NEP traps in the water like a closed plug, yet allows more rain to come in till its full, locked closed automatically. That means April showers could be waiting in the August sun all those months without touching the barrel since.

I have devised 4 models that simply screw onto and rest ontop water containment jug barrel crates.

309.1 The weight uses gravity to seal the jug by pulling up the interior cap plate only until the cup fills with water volume which outweighs the weight causes water to fall into the container. The interior cap plate is floatation matetial with rubber gasket.

309.2 Uses a spring to close the seal until the water volume of cup spills down into container by water outweighing strength of stainless steel spring.

309.3 Uses a floater object tied to hinged seal plate so that when water fills cup, the force of the floatation pulls the seal plate up away from its rubber gasket so that water rushes in until the cup is depleted which causes the seal plate to seal again.

309.4 is similar as 309.3, however 309.4 uses a weight instead of a spring to close seal, as though the seal plate itself is a weight that is lifted up momentarily by a submersed floatation object attached to it, when it is raining.

310. SimcrimeCom Jumpsuit

It is a typical jumpsuit, however the zipper does not stop there. The zipper line starts at normal chest area and goes past crotch around buttox to back tailbone area. Instead of needing to take entire jumpsuit off to sit on the toilet, users could unzip the butt area to sit on toilet.

Slogan: "Jumpsuits can now be worn sitting on toilets."

311. Just Add Water Breakfast Cereal

It is packaged grain cereal that is coated with dehydrated milk.

The user simply pours cereal and water into a bowl, as the water mixes with the powder coating to form milk in the bowl with cereal. The cereal could also be coated with sugar or no sugar.

312. Just Add Water Breakfast Cereal Pancake Bowl

JAWBC Pancake Bowl is a hollow bowl-insert shaped grain cracker that is filled with dried milk powder. The complete product resembles a small cracker cake, covered on all sides with cereal grain with dried milk inside. Users either place the cake in a bowl or crumble the cake in a bowl, before adding water. Added water will begin to soften the cracker and turn the powder into milk at the same time.

313. Solar Float Still

It is a water purifier device that can turn salt water into drinking water, or reservoir water into drinking water, using very little electricity. It can be desribed as an upside down window bucket that has a non-opaque top section, where bottom and top sections are gapped together by a breezeway, as bottom section is open, floating on water surface via a floation ring rim. The bottom section, glass or plastic, allows the sun's rays to heat the bottom section, causing steam. The steam rises to the top section that is insulated, cooled and non-opaque where it turns back to liquid, prevented from falling back to the bottom section, and instead flows to a water container compartment. The topic section can be cooled by an insulated water pump that cycles water in it's walls and out. The cooler device could also be a peltier thermoelectric cooler. If the peltier is cooled via water pump cycling, then the outtake could drip onto the open-contained water surface of the bottom section. In the bottom section, an electric heating element could additionally heat the open-contained surface water, or could not. A solar panel on top can power either pump, peltier and/or heating element.

314.  Three Fourteen Dehydrated Meal

It is a dehydrated meal like no other in a way that involves it's storage, and perhaps activation. The food meal is any type of common food, within a plastic case shell, that is macaroni cheese or sandwich, or soup or spagetti meatballs, etc. It is dehydrated and sealed, attached with a separate sealed sugar beverage powder or not, and attached with any other segragated items including deserts or sides or not. The plastic unit encasing is special because it has a water pour chamber that measures needed water added with increment markings of a fill line, and that flexible port attaches to a water bottle's top so that it can remain together until the meal unit is taken off the water bottle, and then the water is poured into the chamber, and the chamber fills the plastic encasing. The meal could be eaten hours after water activated or perhaps in the instant. 

No other dehydrated food meal product has ever attached to a water bottle like 314, meaning 314 is an original invention.

315. Farmer Dog .And Cat Pet Food

It is a new type of pet food that specifically contains growable plant seeds inside the pet food nuggets so that pets with big yards will poop out the seeds that use the poop as fertilizer to grow into healthy plants. 

Varieties of pet food models could feature seeds including, barley seeds, strawberry seeds, echinacea seeds, fruit tree seeds and more.

316. Humungous Sunflower Seed

It is a new type of food item that resembles one giant sunflower shell seed. To make it, a mold of a large shell is embedded with seasoned sunflower seed butter to dry. Inside the shell's containment, a large dried sunflower seed butter ball is placed. It could be about the size of a mango seed and mango.

317. Counter Predator Robotic Animal

CPRA is a robotic animal machine, radio controlled or autonomous, cat or dog or kangaroo, etc. that is special because under it's thin synthetic fur is an extremely toxic layer that is so poisonous that all animals die if they bite into the layer. Even rattlesnakes would die from tasting the material when the robotic animal strolls at night in the yard.

318. Solmer Jacket

The Solmer Jacket (solar thermal) is a futuristic new type of jacket to stay warm. It is made of a plastic/rubber waterproof exterior, and the interior wearing layer is cloth. The exterior plastic unit is an inflatable/deflatable balloon type chamber in the shape of a wearable jacket. Inside the plastic balloon is a black surface against the wearer's back, and a clear surface at most exterior. If the most exterior layer is not entirely clear (some models have entirely clear exterior surface, some models have window segments)  then it contains window segments. Reflective silver matetial may also be inside the balloon, which intensifies light heat trapped in the balloon. The users blows into the jacket to inflate it.

318.1 Battery Solmer Jacket

A fan switches to inflate or deflate at the push of a button.

318.2 Solar Power Solmer Jacket

A solar panel in the jacket powers on an inflator fan or deflates.

318.3 Solar Battery Solmer Jacket 

The same as SPSJ however the battery can power leds within the jacket at night.

318.4 Floatation Solmer Jacket

It is designed so that wearer's weight in water will float, with crotch strap.

318.5 Air Purifier Solmer Jacket

It uses a filter and photocatalyst to purify the air, battery powered or solar powered.

319. Fragrance Cell Phone Case

It is a cell phone case that is designed to contain a perfume/cologne/essence oil spray bottle within the case so that users can mist fragrance holding their cell phone. Cartridge model and disposable model.

319.1 Auto FCPC

The smartphone connects to the cell phone case via usb. A motor pumps out fragrance sprays at the push of a button with app, and when a specific contact number messages or calls then the fragrance sprays alike ringing and vibrating. Single fragrance model or multi fragrance model. Multi fragrance works with the app to program different scents for different number contacts.

320.  Microwave design button

This one is design patent worthy, not utility worthy, because I did not invent the microwave. MDB is simply a microwave that has a motorized door opener that is activated by a sensitive button on the door face. Users can open the microwave when both of their hands are busy holding a pot by simply bumping the gentle button with the edge of the pot or knuckles. One handed microwave loading is now... NO.... PROBLEM!

Outdated microwave models require pounds of pressure from a push or pull of a mechanical button, which makes two handed tray/pot loading into the microwave impossible unless the door is already opened.

320.1 mechanical microwave design button

It uses a very sensitive button to open door, however no motor is needed because it is mechanical. Pushing the door closed charges a spring tension that is easily released as open by a small  electromagnet activated by button.

Outdatef microwaves use tension pressure in the push open button action. Instead, the tension is created during the door closing by relay mechanism of spring or elastic.

321. Smell A Book in a Can

From the same genius who brought you T-shirt in a Can brand, comes Smell a Book in a Can! It is a reading book with paper pages, or paper-like pages, that is set in a sealed tamper proof square container, that claims new "Nobody has ever touched these pages!" because the seal around the edge prevents contamination before purchase. Besides design patent worthy elements being factory sealed, the book is non-toxic, the paper does not cause headaches, the ink does not cause headaches, and special pages in the book open apart like a gentle adhesive sticker to release special fragrance. The special fragrance is essential oil that relates to story on the same page. For example, if a couple of adventurers are exploring a wine cellar, then that page has a special fragrance sticker that opens to expose the essential oil smell of oak and wine. Instead of authors describing smells, the readers can smell. Another example, instead of a paragraph about a woman's party dress perfume, the reader opens a special fragrance sticker scented with perfume.

321.1 Book in a Can

It is a sealed book that has a tamper proof mechanism. An example of tamper proof mechanism is a plastic strip that tears away by pulling apart to unseal.

322. K.R.E. Charge Extension powertool

KRECEP is an ac electric power tool (drill, saw, sander, etc. any type of power tool) that contains one or multiple ac cord receptacles so that the power tool may function as an extension cord at the user's convenience. It is simple a capped female single receptacle in the body, stock or handle that is wired so that plus, minus and ground wires relay to receptacle port. Some models can be house ac outlet type double receptacles or any type of three hole plug hole where electric cords plug into.  For example, user simple uses drill normal until user needs to  plug sander cord into bottom of drill handle. Both tools can be on when only one is plugged into main wall outlet.

323. Wire Biter

WB is a non-battery electronic cigarette device that allows users to both smoke tobacco oil (or medicine oil) and use usb devices. The aprox 5v power goes from 120v ac (220v ac foreign) to 5v regulator to wire biter electronic cigarette tank to usb plug tip. It is one cord comprised of two wires. It is likely that wire biter is design patent worthy because no other electronic cigarette is a cord. Slogan: "The others are pens. This one is a cord."

Users could smoke electronic cigarette and charge cell phone with the same cord at the same time.

324. Wire Biter Battery

It is a special rechargeable battery that allows both ends of Wire Biter usb to plug into so that Wire Biter can be worn as a necklace. Various design patent worthy designs can include heart shaped wb battery, locket wb battery that can hold small pictures, and any other shape wb battery.  

325. The Woodcoff 12v Portable Kitchenette

The 12v portable kitchenette invention is named in memory of one of my relatives who passed away. Woodcoff was a ww2 vet and I think he was nice to everybody, including germans, japanese and italians because he knew the bad guys were gone and everybody who remained was innocent until proven guilty.

The Woodcoff 12v portable kitchenette is a 12v appliance that is a cutting board strength light weight countertop that has a sink and small oven. The oven is aprox 150 watts or so because typical AWG rating of automobile wiring is about 150 watts maximum. The sink has an aprox 10 watt pump. The unit has extendable legs so that it can sit ontop an automobile seat. The outake of the sink is a tube that can fit into an empty water gallon jug. A tie mechanism allows water jug handle to secure to unit. Another water jug that is full secures to another leg and then intake hose of the pump goes into the jug. Users plug 12v cord into receptacle and either turn oven on or press button so that water is pumped out of water jug through sink that drains to empty jug.

The Woodcoff 12v is as though it makes any van an rv or any truck into a camper with portability cooking. 

Imagine a $7 sandwich at a restaurant costs only $3.50 at the grocery store. Driving, users could park, wash cucumbers, lettuce, food prep, and cook food to save bundles of cash. 

325.1 Woodcoff Cooler

Similar to 325, #325.1 additionally has a thermoelectric cooler for food storage or pack with ice as ice cooler.

326. Tension Cord Magneto/dynamo Charger

Similar to hand crank magnetos or dynamos, it is a device that charges a battery for flashlight or other uses, however users do not need to crank a handle. Instead, a cord is wrapped on a spool with elastic or spring, where user pulls cord to spin dynamo/magneto by gear of spool spinning with dynamo/magneto as cord is pulled from housed spool causing electric charge, and releasing cord or causing slack causes spring/elastic to gather cord back on spool causing spool to spin and dynamo/magneto to spin. Long models can feature step hooks that allow user to hold tip of cord under foot and floor to raise hand held device above head which is about 7 ft. of cord, releasing foot hold is another 7 ft. of cord spinning, to charge device. A small magneto/dynamo is about 2 inches of cord compared to 1 hand crank revolution. Stepping, raising and releasing is comparable to 84 revolutions, from less excercise and less time.

327. Garden Hose Dishwasher

The GHD is non-electric and is simply a cage or rack where plates, bowls, cups and silverware are placed into, where a garden hose attaches, where a hand crank or retension cord crank spins foam/brush sponge disks while flowing with water, in between dishes in the cylindrical rack, where dirty dish water spills out to become fertilizer in the grass. A compartment bulb at tip water flow port allows users to option to add soap. The users turns on hose, or pulls trigger to activate water flow, and cranks hand crank so that dishes become clean. No sink needed.

Silverware attaches to sponge disk, and sponge balls attach to sponge disk to spin in cups and bowls.

328. Utiladder

It is a ladder, foldable or extendable or straight rigid, that uses one leg rail as a conduit for an extension cord. An ac receptacle, or female end plug, is mounted at the near top of the ladder. At the near bottom, a male extension cord end plug is mounted extended for use. The user plugs the ladder into an extension cord wall socket so that the top of the ladder has an ac outlet for use. The top female receptacle is 3 prong, however the bottom male plug can be either 2 prong or 3 prong. If the bottom plug is 2 prong then the top receptacle can be grounded to the ladder body itself if it is a metal ladder. The running wires can be either inside ladder body or affixed outside.

329. The Screw Brush

It is a paint brush that combos with a paint jar, where user unscrews paint brush that is affixed into jar, which allows storage of paint brush to not require washing in between uses. Otherwise, used paint brushes become damaged if not washed between uses. The body of the brush has a threaded midsection that fits into the paint bottle jar.

330. Paint Gallon Cap

It is a device that replaces paint gallon lids. Users can dispose of the original lid because PGC is a palette, a paint brush holder and lid, all in one. Users place PGC on paint can and store paint as usual. Users open PGC apart from paint can, hold upside down, remove wet paint brush from clamp on PGC and scoop up paint on brush to paint. No need to wash paint brush in between uses of paint can.

330.1 Paint Gallon Cap - quart size model

331. Solar Pump Hat

It is a hat that contains a waterproof exterior layer and another waterproof exterior layer on top of the other layer, where the outermost layer is clear, plastic or rubberlike. Water, liquid or colored liquid, and air, is inbetween waterproof layers, as a container, where a small low watt pump on the hat pumps the liquid to the top of the container, and audiences watch the liquid fall to the bottom of the container of the hat. The pump can be supplied by solar panel or battery or combination of solar panel and battery.

The artwork inside the container can be anything, however two designs are a synthetic brain with green water, and sand and seashells with blue water.